Have you ever looked at someone you love, and noticed that their is something that really irks you about that person? But you can't really put you finger on it.
Today, I was thinking of a friend that I admire a lot. He is a very brilliant ambitious man and deeply rooted into faith. Although I love and admire this person a lot there is something about him that irks me at times. I always wondered why? Today I realized that want annoys me, isn't something in him, but something in me.
How is that possible?
A lot of times I lack the wisdom to look at my own self and see my own faults. Matthew Kelly in his book Resisting Happiness, refers to that as "blind spots". That is a portion of my life that maybe someone needs to point to before I become aware of my faults.
Today I realized that what irritates me about my friend is a quality that we share. We are two pride-filled, stubborn people. It is important to note that he may not be like that all, but just as in "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" so too is perspective. At times, from my tainted eyes he appears to be so. Maybe God is allowing for such thoughts though he is not pride-filled at all because He wants to use him to to show me my "blind spots".
You see my pride may not be evident, as the world defines this word, but more gravely it may be incognito. My pride is there when I refuse to be humble enough to listen to others speak about Christ. Why? Because I know Him. My pride is hidden behind every time I resisted going to church's of other denominations because they were not like me. Yes, I stand by my Catholic Church, at the heart of the Catholic Church is the Eucharist which is not found anywhere else but the Orthodox Church. Yes, I can't bear the idea of not receiving Jesus daily in the Eucharist, because I have come to know that Jesus is physical and literally present there. But what a troublesome life I lead, I have done exactly what the disciples did:
"Teacher," said John, "we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us." Mark 9:38
Jesus forgive me, I have failed to love like you do. Jesus forgive me for refusing to see you in others simply because they do not worship you like I do. Forgive me for failing to see that I must be open to your call in every possible way.
Oh Jesus, forgive me! I have not live my Catholicism as I ought to. Almost everyday I visit you in the Eucharist. I adore you at adoration, yet still pride rules in my heart. Hate is present and so is selfishness.
What am I preaching? Doctrinal Christianity, or simple humble love-founded Christianity? Oh my vanity. I share, but I refuse to receive. I give what you give me to others, but I shun what they give me through you.
I have one desire, change my heart that you reign in it as you do my love in your Kingdom. I do not want anything from this world, but to live and die in your grace. Please do not leave my heart to lust after the world as it is doing. Let me run and not grow weary of pursuing you.
You are my Prince Charming and I the clumsy damsel that constantly needs saving.
Jesus I love you, be mine!