Now What?

I asked Him “where do you want me to go?” He whispered to my heart “just stay here with me.” In the moment where I was packed up and ready to go, I told GOD “I will go wherever you will send me.” I was hoping he would point me in a certain direction, after all, I was ready to walk. I had decided that it was time for me to move, but the truth is, my decision did not align with His timing. It never occurred to me that where He wants to send me is here. It is where I am today. 


Over and over again I asked “now what?” I was looking at the horizon for where He wanted me to go. I didn’t realize that today, He just wants me to stay.  It isn’t that He doesn’t want my life to change, but that the change I am expecting today, is not how He wants to transform my life. It isn’t that He wants me to stop preserving, stop growing, or stop chancing my dreams; it’s that He wants me to do that with His peace in my heart. When I formed that question, my heart wasn’t at peace, it was filled with anxiety. 


I never thought that today I am where I am supposed to be. Yes, I had heard it. Yes, I had said it, but no, I hadn’t thought it. Four years ago, I graduated from university with my BA in Theatre and Film. Since then, I never considered that my degree was useful, but here I am today doing exactly what I went into theatre to do. I wanted to write. If you are reading this, then my degree has served its purpose. It never occurred to me that is had a purpose, so I asked God “now what?” I got a graduate degree and asked “now what?” I didn’t think that the “now what?” question actually beings with “now”. It begins not with what I would do tomorrow if…, but what I can do today with the resources that I have. 


Yesterday I though about ST. Helena. Before she became a ST she held the earthly title of queen. She was Queen Helena. She used her resources to find the cross of Jesus. She used her resources to convert the kingdom. I thought, if only I could be where she was. If only I had the same resources that she had. It occurred to me then, that she used the resources that she had and did not seek what she could have been, but focused on where she was and what she can do with that. Had she been the daughter of a shepherd, I have no doubt that she would still be ST. Helena today, but with a different story.  


So today, if you are asking “now what?” I say, close your eyes and leap towards Him. Leap with faith. Leap with joy. Leap with love. Today is a day that begins today. Today is the day to find the “what” in the “now”.