If you are reading this, I want to introduce you to the real me. I want you to meet Rita, not the "blogger", not the "filmmaker" or "journalist", just Rita, simply me. At times I am weak, but I derive my strength from God. I have been heartbroken; it took a very long time for my heart to be healed, but by the grace of God it was.
Sometimes I feel like my dreams are worthless. I can never achieve them. Other times I feel like I can grasp them with my own hands. Still sometimes, these dreams remind me of my failures and when they do, I want to cry. My urge is to run to my room and hide.
The world is so big and I am so small, so insignificant. Sometimes, I feel misunderstood despite my adequate ability to communicate effectively. Somehow I still find myself struggling to express and suppress my feelings. Express to communicate and suppress to hide my weakness.
At times I am scared, others I am worried. There are times where I feel that I will be judged by the people closest to me.
However and despite all, I feel loved especially by God. I feel happy even when I am sad. I feel whole even when I am broken and I feel safe even when I am in danger.
I am sharing my insecurities because we all have them. "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Within these insecurities I have found Christ all the more. He sustains me through all of them, giving me constant hope and strength.
I am also sharing them, because I want to share my humanity with you. My humanity, is filled with imperfections. It's filled with doubts and fears and everything in between. It's filled with sins, of every kind. No one is perfect but God alone. I sin, but I am forgiven sinner. I fail, but my God is victorious and by loving Him I will become victorious.
Jesus has taught me that after death comes the resurrection. I cannot stop and lament over my failures and neither should you! Rather, we must be strength by God. The Bible tells us "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalms 55:22
So even with my failing humanity, I must continue. The Lord will use my weakness. The Lord will guard my steps. The Lord will love me and through His love transform me. My life is a journey. My failures are pit-stops for further reinforcements. Peter'a denial of Jesus lead to his repentance. His repentance lead to a flood of graces that we receive today every time we testify that we are Christians. Peter's denial showed him the pain we feel when we deny Jesus and, thereafter did die on a cross much like our savior. Yet, he refused to die in the same manner because he was not worthy. He died on an inverted cross. He failed, but continued. He failed even thought he had been in the company of Jesus for years. So we too fail at times, but we must continue loving Him, following Him, confessing, repenting and living.
It should be noted that we no longer refer to Peter as the Simon the fisherman, but rather Simon Peter the Fisher of Men.
I love you, I am praying for you, please pray for me!